One of the biggest frustrations in my life is my insatiable desire to create “art” (music, painting, writing, whatever) and my dissatisfaction with the results produced.
For non creative types, imagine having something really important to say. You feel like if you don’t tell someone this thing in your head, you may just explode. Now imagine walking up to someone to tell them this thing,taking a deep breath, opening your mouth, and………..
You can move your lips and your tongue, you can form all the letters, you can even hear the words in your head, but nothing is coming out. And on the rare occasion you do manage to generate sound, it comes out distorted and jumbled. Nothing near the profound statement you wanted to make.
Now imagine that people knew you for these brilliant thoughts. Imagine if you had built so much of your identity around making the statements like the one you were just trying to make. How much more frustrating would that be? Then it’s no longer about a statement that goes unmade, or an idea unrealized. It is about a person’s feeling of purpose being invalidated.
It isn’t about a song going unwritten, or a solo that goes off the tracks, it is about an identity fractured.
**Disclaimer** if the post above seems to come off as a pity party, that is not my intent. This blog is intended to be a public journal of my thoughts, an attempt at being transparent and honest with myself. Sometimes to conquer your inner demons you gotta let the light shine on them. My Pastor is pretty wise cat, and he once said that sin feeds and grows in the dark. I think the same is true for all the negative things we deal with. I think the same is true of all our struggles. If left in the dark, they have power. Hopefully this blog will let me shine the light on some of my struggles and rob them of whatever power they hold on me